![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
major_kerina
*Leaves New Bark Town* By the way…who named our area? Dogs? I trek forth after nightfall! Because that’s when all the coolest Pokemons are out, right?
*Leads and my Twilight follows* Alright…Route 29 and the long grass. Let’s go! *treks* Eww! Leeches! Gah! Flash of light! A pokey monster! Go my Twilight! Vanquish my enemy!...a flying raccoon that likes to balance on its tail.
Okay. But kill it all the same! Tackle it! *cheers my little guy* Oh no! It scratched you back! Get him! *flying raccoon/flaming porcupine claw fight* Wow! This is totally not like cockfighting!
*My little guy is vicious* There you go! Suck up all that exp like mother’s milk. It’ll make you badass one day! You’re really talented, Twilight! I especially love how I throw your ball ahead of me and yet somehow you appear from behind me. How do you do it? *he looks at me quizzically* No worries buddy! We’ll take on the world…
*Later* Or five of the same flying squirrel in a row. Well, at the very least we’re culling the population of these things. And at least that last one just used a magnifying glass on you a lot. Not sure how it did that though.
*Talks to a kid in a blue cap* You think my Pokemon’s weak? Sic him Twi! *Twilight smolders happily* Oh right…only critters attack critters. Well just you wait till I get some more Pokemon…you’ll probably challenge me for money or something…then we’ll see!
*Walks north a bit* Hmm…a special area. With a tiny sapling! Hmm…I could cut it down to get through here…or I could be environmentally-friendly and just hop the six inches I would need to hop to get around it. NAAAH! Environmental destruction sounds much more my game. These little trees are quite strong though and they only seem to sprout in a plot-convenient way.
*Turns to my little guy* How ya feeling? *sees a smile…he’s somehow forcing himself to keep going* That’s the spirit. Don’t let those scratches and blood loss get to you. I have a guy on to go see for a reason I’m not really clear on…for a tree doc I don’t like. Onward though!
*Westward* Hmm…there seems to be a tiny ledge here. I could just step up but that would take too much effort. *heads east and north*
*Flashed* Yay! Something different to fight! An angry brown bird. Let’s do some intimidating leering….not that kind of leering, Twi! Ew…you’re different species. Although that’d probably not stop Professor *pulls out a tree dictionary from my infinite backpack* Cedar. Well, at least its defense fell anyway. And at least it’s a female.
*Another victory* Time to keep my champ on top *whips out a potion* *blood miraculously heals* *Twilight looks like he wants to take the lead* Easy boy. I’m the alpha male here! *poses androgynously and lets a small animal do all my fighting for me*. GAH! A hoothooter! *cowers girlishly* *Twi sighs and sets his legs…and keeps that ever-present smile*
*Much fighting continues long into the night* *stops for some loot in the forest* *more fighting*
*Fighting continues* *walks* *fights* Wow, I’m getting tired. *yawns* *Twi pants and droops* Let’s find our way out of here so we can get some rest from all this.
*Finds my way to an Apricot Tree* Hmm…I’d like to put something in it. And I’d like to take it…*kleptomaniac-ness flares*. *Twi eyes me suspiciously* *keeps my hands away from my pants* What?! I wasn’t thinking anything…weird. You’re the one doing the leering of those hoothooters. *Twi blushes*
*Runs into a guy waiting for Pokemon who only appear in the morning* Uh yeah…good luck with that. Wacko…I’d rather have my full 16 hours of rest and relaxation before I do any work finding Pokemon. *runs into another guy who is standing around saving* Wow…Route 29 attracts all the weirdos…
*Walks into a swank place with just two guys hanging out there* Hello! Got some cool stuff for me? No? Darn. Oh, so there are weird Pokemon beyond here, huh? Well I’m a mission or something. But I’m sure we can handle all the weird and challenging Pokemon out there *Twi gulps* *talks to the other guy* I can’t climb ledges but I can jump down from them? Thank you, Mr. Bellhop Obvious.
*Walks north* So lost…*wanders* *Twi gets clobbered a lot* *checks on him* Wow…you’re already at level 8. Awesome! How do you feel? *Twi gives a claw up*. That’s tenacity….AHHH! ANIMATE ROCK THING! Use a hammer! *my little friend blows some smoke from his fire* *cheers on* *my little guy gets hammered a lot*
Hmm…maybe this is a place we shouldn’t quite go yet…at least till we get you some more little friends for backup. Come on. Time to backtrack…or at least track in the right direction…
*Gets lost again* *finally drags myself the right way to Cherrygrove City* At least it’s a better name than my hometown. Looks swank…*walks along past an old man* *he notices me and approaches* Uh…yes, I am a rookie trainer. But I got a badass flaming critter if you want to try anything *Twi plops*.
Oh! You just want to teach me…alright I’ll follow you…ARCEUS POOP ON A STICK! How the heck can that old man run!? Running shoes, huh? I thought I was walking so slow because the graphics couldn’t take any more than that...
Pokemon Center. Healing. Cool. So long as they don’t charge anything *Twi looks wistfully up at it*. Gah! Slow down, old guy!
YAY! A PLACE THAT SELLS BALLS! I’ve been waiting to have balls for so long! Now I can capture things and train them to love me forever!
Wait up! *pant* Okay, Route 30…people who want to fight me and the guy I’m looking for. Awesome peas. GAH!...Water Pokemon, huh? *splashes a little* GEEZ! Oh thanks…your house. *gasps*
Wait let me me catch my breath…oh. I get the shoes?...Your shoes…’They’re still warm’?...*shudders in the depths on my soul*. Don’t do that!
*RUNS* Weeeeeeee!!! *runs all over* WEEEEEE!
*Tires* Okay…time to check out this new place. Love the shore. *waves to the random person on an island thing*. First house!
Yay…another kid absolutely obsessed with Pokemon…*talks to the dad* Thank you, Mr. Plot-Thread. I’ll remember that badges info…I guess. *reads their books*…”101 Ways to Cook Jigglypuff”….”The Long Grass and Me: Life of Ashley Ketchum”…”96 Ways to…” *pauses* *shuts the book*…too disturbing. I didn’t even know there was one way…you’re a sick dude, Mr. Plot-Thread!
*Notices even the people loitering around town talking about Pokemon battling* *except for one guy talking about cricket* *ignores him* *raids the fridge of another pair of Pokemon devotees*
*Looks at the old man’s mailbox* “Guide Gent’s House – Full-of-Energy, High-Speed Old Man”….this entire town is nuts…*but asks Gent the secret to having a lot of Pokemon to use* “Catch a lot of Pokemon!”…*blanks out on the rest of what he says and glares*
*Heads to the Pokemon reenergizing center and gawks at the cutely-dressed redhead playing bouncer to the underground section* *Twi drags his way to the energizer*
*Looks at the PC* I love a system where Pokemon are equal to money which can be withdrawn from a bank account!
*Finds the only thing I can do besides heal is badly sign the back of my Pokemon trainer card* *glares at the person who asks ‘isn’t this a girl’s name?’*
*Heals Twi and he’s glowing* Ooo…hot. Well, we’ve put it off long enough…we need to meander our way to this Mr. Pokemon guy…onward!
*SCREECH* Wait! Balls! I need to get myself some balls! DARN IT! They’re fresh out. *slumps* *sigh* I suppose I should get some healing stuff. *sniffle* I so wanted to have some balls…*treks onward….ball-less*
-------
"Nothing Rivals a Good Rival"
Alright…no more wasting time. Time to go see the Mr. Pokeman. *walks up the way* *gets an exclamation* *GASP* It's Snake! Oh wait, wrong game. Oh! Well hello Mr. Old Guy. Not so fast without these shoes, huh?
Ooo…something for me? Just stick it in my infinite bag. A map…a map…something that so would've been useful when I was getting lost over the last hour. Oh well, at least I won't get lost now. As much.
Aw. That's all? No other surprise gifts. Onward then! To Mr. Pokemon! Finally!
Oh no! My horrible nemesis! A tiny ledge! I'll have to go in the LONG GRASS again. Ready, Twi? *he's eager* *runs afowl of more hooters who pulls out their magnifying glasses* *resists the urge to make an O RLY? Joke*
*Makes my way to…* OMG! A ball! Finally!...oh wait…this is just a treasure chest one…why would someone keep their treasure in a pokey ball? *yoinks a free potion*
*Notices a kid in a funny hat and says hi without even making fun of him* Ah yes, you're apparently aware of my snazzy new running shoes. Ignore that smell of old man on them. If I run through the grass…wait…the sound will attract trainers? *imagines a trainer foraging in the forest when their ears perk up and they sniff and say…"There's a kid running in old guy shoes…let's go screw with him"* Right…*tears ass around the grass just to prove Funny Hat wrong*
GAH! Giant purple rat! *tosses giant blue cheese*…*it's not very effective…but very smelly* Oh well, always meant to get rid of that thing. *the critter faints from the smell*.
*Rinse and repeat healing and running about carelessly*. *sees a lot of hooters but Twi learns to blow embers.*
*Stops after a bit at a house with an Apricorn tree* *wonders what flavor an Apricorn would have…more acorn-y or apricot-y…*
*Goes into the house…and seeing as there is nothing as yet to plunder…talks to the guy in the house* Oh…so this isn't Mr. Pokemon's house? You must make a racket out of not being Mr. Pokemon but people thinking it. So…what are you selling? Oh…you like apricorns? I do too…well not really but this might get me something free so I'm nodding my head a lot.
So these trees bloom…once a day? What kind of life cycle do they have? They drop seeds daily? We'll be overrun within months! We're doomed! We must mobilize to bake a ton of Apricorn pies before we're overwhelmed. If nothing else, we'll die full….wait…
WHAT? You make ball from Apricorns? *looks at the tree…looks at the balls*…how? I mean…who thinks of that?! I assume something special needs to be fitted into it…it's not a fruit shell or something that just magically sucks animals in a tiny dimension.
*Listens* So do I get a ball?...aww…I get a box. Thank you. An empty box. I better get some balls eventually…or I'm gonna grab a giant coconut, shuck it, and stuff Twi in there as a last resort! *Twi whimpers*.
*Walks out* *shakes down the guy's tree* *finds something* Sweet! It's an apricorn! I can have balls now! *walks it back to the guy* Hey! I…'found' this apricon…can you make me a ball?...*pokes him*…apparently not. Crud!
Onward…*since I can't hop over a tiny ledge, I take the only possibly way to the right with a free antidote along the way.*
*Notices a kid whose only purpose in life is to remind me of everything I already know about PP* Yes yes…Pokemon need PP to do stuff…PP meaning either…pokemon power (probably the 4Kids version of it…)…pound power (Pokemon smash!)… polypropylene (packaged plastic pokemon!)… probabilistic polynomial time (pokemath!)…Psychic Power?...hmm…clearly Nintendo likes PP…and that's even before the Wii came out *this paragraph collapses from the sheer weight of puns*.
*Watches a 'big battle' of two kids' pokemon hoping around in front of each other*. Not even a Latin choral piece could make this fight kick ass.
*Checks a sign* YEAH! Mr. Pokemon's house! I'm almost there! His entire front yard is LONG GRASS?! Come on! How does he get to work or go anywhere? He'd be constantly attacked by creatures.
*Makes it after a few rounds* This is it. I'm finally here. Curse you, Mr. Pokemon, for having all that uncut grass! I'm sure some of these kids around here can get their faces out of their pokeballs and use a freakin' mower on those weeds. Just for that, I'm swiping your apricorn…even though it's girly pink.
*Goes in* *guys runs over* Gah! Yes, I'm Nireka. It was like that when I got here! Oh! You're him! Nice…weird hat. I guess. Oh. This is the thing that forced you to send a kid and his pet out for miles in the wilderness, facing certain death? Oh…okay, it does look kinda cool. I just hope this isn't some sort of "save on postage by getting unknowing kids to ferry stuff I could've sent by mail".
*Yawns*…You just quoted Professor Oak…about Professor Elm…isn't he the dude right next to me? How about letting him just say it? Or is he too 'busy'? Not so busy he can't hang out over my bed and ask me if I'm a boy or a girl!
Yeah yeah…thanks for the praise but we all know…yup…butter me up and use me to do your crap you can't be bothered to do on your own. *sigh*…Ferryboy for life I guess. So what is it?
An encyclopedia…alright…toss it in my bag too. Along with everything I might be a roving reporter for the Pokewalker's Guide to the Pokeland.
You have a radio show?...Well can't be worst than the one show that claims that Pokemon were magical created by some game developer in Japan…I mean that's just silly! They evolve!
*Can't help but shudder with the look in his eyes as he says about his 'feeling' that we'll meet again*…I won't be calling in! Perv! I'm not exchanging anything number-wise with you! And I'll make sure the Poke-marketers all call you!
*Sifts through Mr. Pokemon's books* *Finds a surprising amount of mundane and appropriate titles* Curses! There's nothing here to make fun of, you jerk! *storms off*
Might as well get on my way back. A long trek. A fantastic journey to go see a guy somewhere down the road to get an egg from a critter of…no one knows what. Oh well…seems like our adventure is nearly ov… *bzzed by my phone*
…Professor Dogwood? What's 'a disaster'? Did the people finally figure out what sick things you were doing with the Pokemon all those years? Well, you're on your own, bub! You're not gonna corrupt this little egg too!...hmm…well, I should go back but that phone call was hopelessly vague. *calls mom…doesn't help* Why must everyone be so vague?!? *calls Prof. Alder back* How could what happen? *shakes the phone* Explain people! Explain!!
*Twi steps back a little* Sorry you had to see that…alright. The only way we'll get any explanation is if we go back and face the Professor. Onward…again.
*Expects a fight-filled but uneventful trip home* *walks past Cherry*…OH NO! It's Snake aga…oh wait…it's the red-haired girl. *blushes* Umm…hi…heh.
Eep…she's looking at me and the music is turning exciting…is this finally my chance? Hey! You may be cute but no insulting my Pokemon!...seriously…let me have your digits…
…Oh…you were insulting me. Fight…but I can't fight…'Passerby Boy'…*JAW*…a boy? *looks*…really? Dang…not a girl? Eh…close enough.
Since your "awesome pokemon" is half the level of mine…this shouldn't take long. You may be technically a boy but nobody's perfect *wishes this place invented something like cameras instead of Pokemon-everything for a momento*.
Oh! Right…the fight…well since I have ember…it's fire and this guy is water…fire blows away water into steam right? Let's toast him! *splash*…Crud! That is unfair…we should be able to boil you! Grr…so it's melee then…no worries!
*Two hit end* Yes…cutie…I'm quite happy I won. Now pay up! This was a bet after all. *counts my dough*. *looks at the redhead's trainer card* *wide eyes* Say…are you sure you aren't a girl because this is a lovely dress you're wearing in this photo…*smiles as redhead seizes it back*….wait…what name? I want copies of that photo!
Oh well, time to go see what disaster befell Professor Hickory. Yay! Hopping down ledges is major convenient! Home in a blink *panting*…
*Goes to Professor's place* *cops* Missing Pokemon?…you'll never catch me ali…oh…thanks for sticking up for me Lyra. Oh! A redhead? Yeah…I saw him too. I probably could've reported him before…but…uh…nevermind *blushes bright*.
What's his name? Oh crap…*blanks* *thinks – Gotta make something up…something good…something believable…*
*Blurts out* Alicia!
*Gulps* Oh…good…you bought that…I mean yeah. What a name…oh well…it's not as if he'll be saddled with it forever and called nothing for a girl's name for the entire 'game'. *watches as New Bark Town's finest get to work*.
…*Glares at Professor*…yes…it's an egg…and don't you dare try to get cynical like me! It's what's on the inside of that egg which may either be weird, cool, or extremely delicious! Yeah, let's watch it hatch but I still kinda think Mr. Pokemon's just messing with us. And yeah…Oak did…things with me and made me a guardian of the list of Pokemon in the world….yes…the Gym Leaders…
*Dramatic shift* *sniff* I know I can defeat the Gym Leaders…it's been a dream of mine since long ago…I remember…my father's dying words were that very *Professor exclaims '…or not! Ha ha!'*
Oh you are soooo dead, you son of a Beech! Justifiable professor-cide!
-------
"Buuuut You Gotta Have Friends...Who You Can Beat Up!"
*Many wet thuds after I leap at Professor ~insert tree type here~ in a rage* Gonna need a mop. Oh well, I'll just put out a clone of him with his SCIENCE things and no one will be the wiser.
*Walked over to his unsuspecting assistant-type-person* Yeah, the missing Pokemon. Well, if it was taken by…Alicia…then I'm sure that lost Pokemon is off doing effeminate-type things. Oh…so a Pokemon raised by someone bad…would be bad to bone? Critters imprint on their owners? Are you trying to say something?! *glances over at Twi being cynical, meta, and violent* Okay, maybe you have a point…
Oh well, not any of my business. Time to head home after a long journey. *impresses a little girl along the way* No need to glow admiringly. I know I'm awesome. Want an autograph? Oh, you just want me to tell you where Lyra is, huh? *grumbles*…*wanders around looking for stuff to steal and talks to Lyra's dad…who is even lazier than before*
*Heads back home* Hey, mom! Where's supper?...wait…adventure? I'm back. I went a long way from this town to the next. I could go on a longer adventure but that would involve a lot of painful walking.
Oh, so you're gonna save my money from now on? Well, you have long been the Bank of Mom and I appreciate it. What's your interest rate? A cookie and a glass of milk a day. Cute…*gives her my money and hopes that the dollar signs in her eyes aren't a bad portent*
*Gives Twi my mail to hold….surfs on the internet…finds way too much anthropomorphized Pokemon porn…but not surprised at all that most of it is hosted by Oak* *takes a long shower immediately afterwards*
Okay, I might as well find Lyra and see if I want to continue this…adventure thing. *sees her at the edge of town* Oh….Poke balls? You have some…and you're only gonna give them to me now *glares*. Oh well, I guess I can tutorial for a bit if I can finally get some free balls.
*Watches Lyra go stomp on the grass*. Uh…are you sure you aren't just killing any bug-types you might run across? How does grass survive around here if everyone goes around doing that? Too fast? You think I'm slow?!...no…no need for any more violence…just gotta let the Pokemon fight it out.
*Watches Lyra's tutorial* Okay…beat up a Pokemon till it's almost out cold, then capture it…why can't I just smack it out cold then capture it? Is there some kind of Pokemon mercy rule?
…YES! THANK YOU LYRA! Thank you for the balls! I've been waiting for these so long! *hugs my new balls* I finally feel like a real man…in fashionable high-water pants, a preppy jacket, cool cap, and effeminate hair. Let's go bulk up our attack force!
*Has Twi flame a hooter* *wipes it out* You may be a smidge too strong, my friend.
*Seizes the next one* Yes! Yes…oh my little ball hooter…there is only one name befitting one like you…Yarly! *it dazedly stares at me a bit*…You'll learn to love it.
*Cue grass running montage of mostly beating up animals looking for a good one* *80's glam rock over the sequence*
*Comes upon another purple rat* *beats it up real good* Hmm…now to name you…you're a…*checks* girl…so here's a name that's quite fitting. Mrs. Brisby!
*Walks along with Twi, Yarly, and Mrs. Brisby.*…*notices that one of my balls are shaking* *stomps on it* No one is getting out today!...hmm…I wanna rock.
*Random musical moment where I bring out a full band in the LONG GRASS and I woo the critters out with jammin' tunes* *smites them all with Twi*
*Picks through oodles of rats to find a rock with giant arms* *hits it too hard…also sees that tackling a rock isn't very effective…even when it's a good hit*. Next time, we get the hammer for stunning but since I don't have one…let's burn it!
*Crazy pyro attack on the rock works* Another to name…let's call him Tuff…after the rock…because he's a rock…and he's tuff…
*Looks out* Okay, not all my names are gems…*continues to make my way through a variety of flaming hooters and smoked rats*
*Makes my way back to Cherry* Why? Because it has free Pokemon healing and I want to get my team in fighting shape. Hmmm…no passageway to the underground yet but…*looks upstairs*. I can battle with my friends!...but I don't have any friends…yet!...*cough*
But I have a vast wi-fi internet to use as well to mooch better Pokemon off of random strangers! My plans, they are perfect!...But still, no friends. *hides my face in my arm in a manly way and gives off manly, sparkling tears*.
*Goes around town*…So now what? *visits Old Guy with Fast Shoes* No luck, he's still stuck in the throes of dementia, saying the same phrase over and over. *walks around and wonders about how much the music playing in head around in this town sounds like Auld Lang Syne*. Oh we'll drink a cup of Squirtle pee, just because we caaaaan! *hums*
*Runs off to bulk up my new guys with my inflamed fox/hedgehog softening up the opposition first* *my Twi tries to learn a fifth thing* Oh no, my little friend. You can't remember more than four things at a time. You're like a goldfish like that. You need to forget something if you want to learn something new. Just like school. Now…let's see…
You tackle very well…Your smoke is a good defensive move but so is leering…and you burninate things so well. I…can't choooose. Well, your leering is a little creepy so I guess we can drop that but…your regular move is actually weaker than this new one…so let's make you drop that tackle for a quick attack *makes my Twi unlearn*. There! That should work…using my undefeatable logic!
*Runs into a defeated kid* You know I made fun of trainers sitting around lurking in the grass but you just proved my very cliché. And you have the gall to call me weak? You're gonna get flamed!
*One hit finish* *dusts my hands* Oh sure, you can have my number but you'll just be calling for another beating. Hmm…sixty-four…weird money things…might as well send it back to mom. This lunch money of yours will serve me well!
*Swaps out Twi to train my other guys* *notices something…* Why Twi…isn't that neat…you earn points for being up there when I swap you out…for doing nothing. Why you do take after my own heart! Come here, little guy! You can just let others get beat up and reap rewards for it! Good bargain!
Guess I need to go around to the left to get through this area. Stay where you are LONG GRASS Ninja Boy. Oh and his friend, Mikey…gah…yeah yeah…we can fight. But to make things fair, I should let my weakest Pokemon fight you. You're on, Mrs. Brisby!
*Whips them easily* Ohhhh Mikey…do you like it? Well, do ya? *walks off victorious* More moneys!
*notices a sign by the side of the road* "No stealing other people's Pokemons. Don't throw your balls at people's Pokemon." Or at people, I assume. Never even thought of it…thanks for the idea, random road sign!
*Weaves my way past some impassable tiny ledges* Oh look…a random person standing near LONG GRASS…I wonder if they want to fight…Pokemon *sighs*. *says hi*.
*Surprise* Oh, you're not a trainer….so, if I look one in the eye I must battle? You looked me in the eye but I'm not beating you up. I just beat up a creepy, woody Professor, that's all. These other trainers…geez. Must be trigger happy like these kids so far…no "hi, having a nice day!"…no it's gotta be "I want to kick your animal's ass with my animals!" At least the money is decent. Well, see ya, thanks for not being a violent trainer.
*Creeps past a kid with a funny hat* *he swings a bug net over me* I don't even care if you're a trainer or not but it's ON! *squishes his bug Pokemon*
*Walks on* I face every challenge and conquer it! I am strong! I am trainer! *finds a dark cave* I laugh in the face of such piddling challenges as a mere darkened cave! *Bravely walks in*….
*BRAVELY RUNS BACK OUT!...With whimpering tears and the faint smell of urine* *pants and collapses on the ground* Dang scary. I thought I almost saw a spider in there. I would've been a goner.
*Mrs. Brisby looks at me curiously, still forcing herself to go ahead despite a slash marks, a lost bit of ear, and slow-but-steady blood loss*. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I'll make it. But clearly we need to wait on any dark caves till we have a friend who glows…*glances over at Twi slowly smoldering*…*thinks*…Maybe I can light Tuff on fire like when I caught him….
Next time – Evolution vs. Game Design
