A Rough Night

Lately mom has been making up things/delusional...saying that we've given her shots when it hasn't been the case and calling pills poison. Saying she's eaten when she hasn't.

I tried to give her last pills of the day and she said the same and started clawing me. All over my right arm. I fought through it as best I could till I finally tried clipping her nails...of course then...she said that I was "killing her" and she was screaming the police were coming.

And naturally that I don't love her and she hates me.

I type this because I need a place to vent it. Some nights are bad but it's reaching the point where she needs to be some place else I think or we need to figure out if her medications are doing something to her.

I'm not talking to her again tonight. I'm very upset with the way she reacted. She always wants to die but at least shows that she loves me in the end despite her feelings.

More and more I feel like my mom is gone and the person left....I dunno.

I just needed to say this. I'm okay. The scratches will be okay but I'll make sure all the medical people in contact with us know. Maybe for some kind of psych meds or evaluation. *sighs* Not sure if she'd even take that though.

And after I spent about an hour tonight by her side helping clear up her gas and constipation and making sure she was clean after. I feel defeated...