major_kerina | Some Feelings All Together

I kid you not...my Z A P and Y Keys on my keyboard have their blackness wearing off (well, and the O).

Last night I had probably my first low for the year. But I dealt with some feelings which needed to be dealt with. And that weird anime/goddess-like figure, who sometimes shows up in my head, came around. I don't buy that there's anything to her than something in my head, but I can't really control the nice stuff she says to me like, "Your gift is your spirit" and ideas she puts in my head. And how she strokes my hair when I feel like I'm gonna cry. She's kinda like the mom my mom only was when I was young and she was healthy and optimistic. Or maybe that is just a phantom idealization of youth.

But, last night, I had a dream I often have...it's usually a recurring nightmare. I'm in a bookstore, usually a very happy place for me and I see all my friends and I visualize them in various ways but I always recognize them. And are either angry with me, don't know me, or loath me. Sometimes viciously. But...last night...for the first time I can remember in all my times having that dream...it was a happy dream. For the very first time. It inspired me. It moved me. It made me feel optimistic and hopeful.