Chapter 2 of Paranosis
Dec. 4th, 2009 01:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
major_kerinaAnd here's the new, second chapter, all revised ^^V.
Paranosis
Chapter 2 – Welcome to the Carnival
Welcome to the Carnival!
That's what I wished the back of my cereal box said. I remembered one time I had Carnival Crunchies cereal as a kid because I was able to sneak it by the Major. There were many strange, wonderful, and glorious flavors. There was so much sugar. But, as always, he found it and tossed it. It was just empty calories, he said. It was a bad influence to eat something like that, he said. And that was it. Just the one taste and it was gone from my life forever. No matter how hard I looked, I could never find Carnival Crunchies again.
I plopped the box on the kitchen table and stretched my stiff neck. After a perfunctory shower and other necessary hygiene, a quick look around revealed it was the subsequent day.
I didn't remember what really happened after I left Ananya's tent. I did know from a call by the office that I still had my job. Oh job joy…
I had no idea what really happened in my afternoon, how I got home, or how I got to bed. I considered reading up on stress-induced amnesia again. I'd had some incidents of it when I was a kid.
But I didn't feel stressed. I didn't feel out of it or out of my mind. Despite how it ended, what I'd seen was the most amazing thing I'd witnessed in my life and I was eager to see more of it. Still, I looked over at the bottle of lens cleaner and headache medication on the drain board with a sigh.
I pulled up the usual chair and poured the contents of the box of Oat Bran Dietary Fiber Nutrition Flakes into the square, glass bowl, my last since I still needed to do the dishes. I poured the milk. The flakes all sunk into the milk, leaving a blank, white expanse. I thought about the dream/vision/whatever-it-was.
Many of the details remained but I felt like I couldn't be sure of others. I wasn't certain of what I'd said to Millie and the boss. I wasn't even certain of what Ananya was wearing. I felt I knew it and I could name all the details but there was a pestering, persistent uncertainty that made me doubt what I remembered.
Dredging lumps of the flakes from the milk, I ate. I felt tired. And it wasn't a kind of tired that sleep or refreshment could appease. The only reason I had to face this new day was the possibility of seeing Ananya again and something strange happening.
Suddenly, the phone rang.
I turned but didn't leap up to grab it. There was one day I'd had so many useless phone calls right when I wanted to take a nap that I felt like leaving the phone off the hook permanently.
But, despite that memory, I rose and took a chance. I lifted the receiver and said, "Hello."
A voice immediately answered back, "Don't have long. Remember what time the cell phone showed you?"
The voice was strangely-blurred, like something from a movie.
I asked, "Who is this?"
"Others saw you as they would me."
Ananya. It had to be.
I tensed up and almost smiled.
The time was 4:04PM. "Yes, I remember the time."
"You'll have to use the restroom then."
Then, all I heard was the drone of the dial tone on the line.
I felt a giddy rush all through my body. I knew it wasn't just a dream. I knew it was real. It knew there were strange things going on and they were going to happen to me.
I felt like a kid called by Santa Claus. I could barely bother to swallow the rest of my breakfast. My mind raced. For every ecstatic wondering there was one to drag me down a little. At this point, I scarcely cared if it was all one big hallucination because it was an exciting one.
I just wished I'd had more fun in that strange, blank world. It would have been interesting to see the skyscrapers all messed up. Maybe I could've run into a mysterious old hobo hiding out in the electronics store. He'd tell me strange stories about where he came from and his family and his history. He'd have royal family memories from another world. The lost heir of a kingdom. A prince many years on and past.
Then would come the spiders. They'd toy with us. We'd see them in shadows when we were apart. There'd be some adventure-like comedy where I'd find something silly instead of something scary. But still, the sweat would be beading off my brow. I'd be shivering and the tension would be turned all the way up.
A long chase scene would follow as I tried to evade them. I'd use distractions. I'd worry about my new friend. I'd lure the spiders away and use my resolve to get away from them. They'd still eventually get me but it'd be terrifying and nail-biting and incredible when they close in at last and I'd see that the hobo I befriended turn into one of them.
It would be the perfect, classic build. I'd seen it before.
But it didn't happen that way. There was no long thrill. I just wandered aimlessly. I got found. I staggered a bit. Then they got me. Over so quickly. I wanted another chance at it despite all the things in me that were yelling I was out of my mind.
Eventually, I finished the pasty mess at the corner of the bowl. I hummed some melody which had no name I could remember. I finished dressing with twenty minutes to spare. I didn't want to get there early. I didn't want to be at work one moment more than I had to. I wanted magical Ananya to send me off on another adventure. I would do it right this time and I'd make a real adventure out of it.
I looked down at my watch and translated the time between then and 4:04PM into minutes and mentally ticked them off one by one. They were far too many.
What I could sense of my mental protestations said this was just a game. It tried to work in how Millie was in all this…that the time on the phone was just a setup. The thought spiraled out bigger and bigger until it wondered if everything and everyone I knew or ever remembered was just a conspiracy against me.
I shook my head to clear the thought and remembered about the pills I needed to take in the morning. I went to the bathroom and took the pill box out of its slot. Everything was right there where I needed it. I just need to fill a cup of water and swallow.
I looked at an empty cup and I looked at the full pill box. I honestly couldn't remember what most of them did anymore. On top of the set sat a squarish, red-and-blue pill. I shook my head and chucked it into the trash can by the toilet. Then I grabbed the rest of the pills and chucked them in there too.
Despite the resolve and satisfaction, my mind was still picturing calming putting everything back and going on about the routine. I had to clench and release my hand a few times before I could turn away from the trash can and take one step after another away from the bathroom.
The rush stayed with me as I picked out my tie for the day. While looking through the normal, dull-colored ones, I notice that towards the back there was one with vibrant, swirling patterns. It looked hypnotic to stare at. It reminded me of the strange object I'd fixated on in Ananya's tent.
Despite the fact the office didn't have a casual day, I slipped the tie on with my regular suit. The part of me that was still quivering and shaking me for tossing the pills away made me hide the tie as best I could by fully buttoning up the blazer.
As I looked in the mirror, I had the hope and fear that this would be another fun day.
It didn't start off so well as I left the house. I felt my keys tumble through a hole in my pants. It was so imbalanced to have both keys and wallet in the same pocket. I soon discovered a persistent hole on the toe of my socks. No matter how I walked, it would rub roughly against the nail. It felt thoroughly uncomfortable and how matter how I shifted my toes or rearranged the sock, it kept catching with the threads sticking or grabbing parts of the nail.
I considered heading back inside for a different pair but it wasn't a huge issue. And besides, as I stood there, I could already hear the regular bus to work coming around the corner. It was usually twenty minutes later. I shrugged it off and stepped inside.
This one was almost all full-up. I only found one place to sit near the back with a black-haired guy with a net-like shirt top, a tarantula face tattoo, and headphones with screaming music. He just stared ahead after I paid my token and slid in the narrow space beside him.
The lyrics of his music, as filtered through the headphones he wore, sounded fast and heavy. I couldn't make out any of the words but I found the gloom of them strangely comforting. Naturally, he soon switched it to something else.
After shifting around in the seat a little, I soon realized that there was a rough-cut hole in the upholstery. No matter how I moved, I could still feel it. It'd probably been cut by someone on a late night ride as amusement. The strands around the opening felt sticky and they caught against the sides of my pants. It almost felt like there was gum on it too. Shifting eventually brought the threads in my socks to jam under the nail of my big toe.
Feeling thoroughly unpleasant, I drooped in my seat and just waited for the bus ride to be over.
Because I was just waiting to see sign of the business park, I didn't pay much attention to the route the bus was taking. Mentally, the time I expected grew longer and longer till I took a good look out the window and realized I was on the wrong side of town.
With a sigh, I shook my head and recalled that there were alternate bus routes on particular days….and I should've waited the correct twenty minutes to catch the right bus.
I'd have to get off at the nearest stop and try to find a route schedule to get back on the right bus or at least one which would take me within walking distance of the business park.
It was not even 8AM and I was already beginning to feel like it would be a rough day. The prospect of something…anything…more from Ananya kept the feelings to mere irritants. A blast of fuzzy, less enjoyable music from the man next to me didn't help.
Nor did finding out this bus line made far less stops than my usual one. And the first drop was in a dense industrial area with straight, black pipes blasting dark smoke in all directions. The driver was non-responsive to my questions and the alternate routes weren't posted anywhere.
That conspiracy thought rose up again in mind but I also got the mental reminder that I threw away my medication. The straightening lines of my wristwatch told me I would certainly be late. With no cell phone to call the office and knowing this area had absolutely no pay phones anymore, I sat there and wondered what I would do.
I felt near the point of revelation. Or madness. Or both. I could visualize myself stepping from the bus and tracking down Ananya myself. Screw this hopeless job and terrible day. It'd just run away. I'd run and run and nothing real or imagined would ever catch me.
Then, the bus screeched beside a multi-sided bus stop. On the other side of the bench, I saw my usual bus stopped. I gave it a long look before I willed my body to leave this bus and enter that one. The driver didn't even ask for a token. I just sat and watched as the routine clicked back into place.
It didn't take long to get the business park. I wouldn't be late at all. Just another normal day.
I plodded wearily through the crosswalk. As soon as I opened the door to the office, I was assaulted with new work that grew more and more with every breath. The boss set his eyes on me and said, "You had a light afternoon yesterday. Consider it your last for a while. We're going to be swamped the rest of this week. As well, both office restrooms are being fixed and remodeled so you're gonna need to use the public one next door."
I glanced at the "out of order" signs on the restroom in the back and to the side. I felt a strange shiver go through me and wondered if Ananya meant I'd have to use the restroom here or any one of them. The public restroom didn't lock like the office ones did and most of the stalls didn't even shut anymore.
I didn't remember anything about this 'light' afternoon but I gave the boss a quiet nod. A pile of papers was waiting for me on my desk after I signed in. I thumbed through them. I could tell this would be enough for three days.
I rested my hand on the top paper and set my mind for work. I leaned back and felt something strange when I tried to pull my hand away from the paper. It lingered, like it was sticky on top. I yanked my hand from the paper and it came away easily.
For an instant though, I could swear I saw something white and hazy cling to my fingertips. With a blink, it was gone. The surface of the paper and the area around my desk were perfectly clean and free of anything strange. The material reminded me of white cotton candy. It also looked like a lot like spider web.
Some part of my mind yelled at me again for skipping my medication. I pushed it aside and reached over for my cup. I walked over to the boxy, black water cooler and filled my cup. I took a long sip and nearly coughed it out.
It felt like I was swallowing solid dust with tangles of string tensing on my throat. Despite a couple coughs, my throat still felt bothered. I eyed the water carefully before filling the cup again. I watched it. I put my finger in. To all appearances, it was just normal water.
Still feeling the tickle in my throat, I cautiously took a drink. As it started going down, there was nothing wrong with the water. Then, it felt like it was moving. It felt like the water had thousands of legs.
I spat it out again. There was nothing on the floor by a small, wet stain. I coughed and glanced down. I saw something small, black, and scurrying on my lip. I slapped my face but it rushed inside my nose.
Shook my head and snorted over and over. I tried to clear my throat but the feeling of it was gone. I panted and looked up. One of the managers looked at me with a wide frown.
I coughed into my hand and walked back to my desk.
Work was slow. The strangeness faded. I didn't detect any sensations out of the ordinary. A part of my mind told me that what a good thing. I shook my head and blew my nose.
My work only had enthusiasm when I knew the boss or one of the managers were nearby. The chair felt even worse than usual. It kept my back in the "ergonomic/straight" alignment that a meeting once said was the best for effective workers.
Eventually, I just slumped on the desk when I could manage it. I always heard someone rustling nearby, so I'd straighten up. The desk always wobbled when I laid on its rectangular surface.
The same part of me, a little louder, told me that I should just forget about Ananya and all this. It was nonsense. It was either she was trying to rip me off or play a game with me. Either way, it said, I would end up worse off. I gave serious thought to that. I could see myself setting the pills back on my bathroom counter and never even thinking of Ananya again.
Immediately, my cough began to clean. I felt a little better. My energy returned as well. For a time, I actually did put Ananya out of mind and I focused instead on the names flowing. The hours were flying by. I felt a bit of an urge to get up for lunch but the traveling meal vendor came around with his food box.
Despite the fact I wanted to take a walk, I stayed where I was. Despite the fact I wanted to get out and see if I could track down Ananya, I just sat there and bought the baloney sandwich. I ate with bites that barely opened my mouth. There was no flavor to any of it.
When I was done, I worked more. The boss came by. He leaned on the partition as I worked. He cleared his throat with a rough, horrible sound and said, "Curtis. One of the interns had to leave early due to a cold. We're gonna need to step up so we can make up for this loss."
I expectantly held my hand out for the gift of new paperwork which was sure to come. I set it to the side and kept working. The motions became so automatic that I felt like I was made for the sole purpose of doing this thing.
I entered the information over and over. The data came in and I entered it. Addresses came with all their numbers strings. The endless loop of social security information. More and more information. More and more names. Name after name after name.
Leo Stiner. Calvin Kalinowski. Jeannie Loughran. Marcus Spates. Alisha Hinkley.
Tabitha Arrelloth. Isananya Dontgiveupcurtis. Marissa Kwon…
Something triggered my mind out of the loop. I looked back a line and the words spelled out a clear message to me…
This is Ananya. Don't give up, Curtis.
I couldn't even begin to imagine how that could get into an office document. I checked my watch. It was after 3:30. So much time had unknowingly passed around me.
I looked down at the paper again. The name before Kwon was Jim Knotts. I looked at the screen. I had entered Jim Knotts into the data table too.
But I knew what I saw.
I looked around the area. There was no one else nearby. Trading softly over the rough, dark carpet, I made my way to the front of the office. Millie and Andrea were up in the receptionist area. They sat together close.
I glanced around carefully and blinked. When I turned back to look at Millie and Andrea, their heads were strange and black. Their eyes gave a dull, red glow. Then, they seemed to kiss.
After I blinked again, they appeared as before, two girls sitting close together. Millie picked up the phone and Andrea dealt out cards on the table.
The phantom of what I'd seen stayed with me as I made my way around the reception area. Millie met my eyes and I swore, for moment, her eyes had a reddish tint to them. She leaned forward, phone still in her hands, and asked, harsher than I expected, "Where are you going?"
Despite the fact Millie didn't weigh more than one-hundred-ten pounds, I felt deeply intimidated by her tone and stare. I tried to keep all my fear inside. I told her simply and truthfully, "Just headed to the bathroom…only one nearby. Boss said ours are out of order."
Millie lifted her head back a little and set her hands down on the desk. She said nothing for several seconds. I could imagine her head splitting open into fearsome blackness. But she just sat there and said, "Okay."
I allowed myself to breathe and walked out.
The day was late and long outside. The sun was hidden, as always, this time by a cluster of box buildings near the western mountains. I turned from the dull colors of the afternoon and walked next door. Their offices were more devoted to civic affairs but I never saw them open and I never saw anyone in the building.
I looked everywhere and checked my watch. 3:40 PM. Still twenty-four minutes. I noted in my head that someone could be stuck on a toilet for twenty minutes.
I felt a bit intimidated when I walked in the restroom. Not only was someone else urinating but I could see square shapes everywhere. Rectangular waste basket, counter, mirrors, stalls, and those tiles. There were tiles on every inch of the room. Square, flawless tiles everywhere. They flowed on the floor underneath me, around the walls, even melding into the dark ceiling with low, dim fluorescent lighting. The man at the urinal flushed and moved over to wash his hands.
I slowly moved around him. As soon as he left, another man walked in and stood before the same urinal. After him, there came another and another. Each man stood before the same urinal. They didn't even seem to notice me. Each man was a little different but they each did the same thing.
I almost felt like laughing. Instead, I trembled with so many curling, lashing emotions and splashed myself with the water from the sink. After a moment, I really did use the restroom while still in an endless loop of urinal visitors.
Despite it only being 3:50PM, I went ahead and looked around for something conspicuous. There was nothing. Just endless tiles flawlessly set to reflect each other. They were boxes in and on boxes stretching forever.
A part of me swelled. It said that this was all lunacy from the start. It said that it was all because of missing my medication. It said I was an old fool who knew nothing and could do nothing and I was and would always be on a hopeless path of utter nothingness.
I looked to the mirror over the sinks. My hair in the mirror looked closer than ever to white. I looked old. I felt older.
Slowly, I walked back to the office with my feet dragging behind me. In each sigh though, there was a quiet sound. It built with each step. It was a reminder in my head from the words I'd thought I'd seen.
This is Ananya. Don't give up, Curtis.
I could hear it as though it'd been said by someone as small as an ant. And it repeated with each breath. I could really hear it.
But I didn't like it at first because I really wanted to give up. I just wanted to give up and just let it all go. What right did it have to tell me not to give up if I wanted to?
I wobbled though and the words kept pestering me. And then, I heard something even fainter than the little words. It sounded strange. Wayfare?
I couldn't understand it. I tried to listen more but I soon got a blinding headache all through my head. I used to get them when I would seriously think about taking a vacation. It was so strong, so horrible, that it destroyed any focus I could give the words in my head.
It kept going and going. I felt on the verge of just letting the idea go. Just forget all about it. Something urged me on in that direction like it was nudging me towards a sheer cliff. I could feel it. I knew it was there and couldn't care.
Then, the words burst forth clear as any voice I'd ever heard.
WAIT FOR…
The headache screamed right behind it but I pressed both my fists up to my head and, inside my head, screamed right back at it. Something snapped. I could imagine myself squeezing it like I imagined squeezing those people on the list. I clenched my fists and squeezed it over and over.
Then, suddenly, the headache vanished. My head was perfectly clear. I leaned back and a tingling, rippling ease like a menthol salve flowed all over my skin. Little tingles bit at the edges but I felt right.
But I looked down at the watch on my wrist. It was 4:05PM. It was past the time. I was too late.
That didn't crush my mood though. Despite the climbing tingles, I set my mind. I was going to find a way. I was going to make it.
I pressed my feet forward. I stepped through the doors. Andrea and Millie both looked at me. They stared with their eyes right on my face. The boss stormed over, his square, dark teeth showing as he screamed, "Who the hell takes half an hour to piss? The work has been going on while you've been screwing around."
I took a deep breath. I pressed down the tingles and told him, "Fuck the work…"
His eyes nearly burst from their sockets. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"
Without thinking, I reached over and seized him by the collar. Everything inside me tensed up. I lifted him up like a feather and screamed as I tossed him. "…And FUCK YOU!"
Inhuman screams belched out of him as he hurtled through all the partitions, crashed through the wall, and vanished like confetti.
If I hadn't so utterly terrified in that moment, I would've laughed like I was watching a cartoon. Everyone in the entire room stood up and I knew they were all staring, without blinking, right at me.
I turned and ran.
I feel a thousand horrors bearing down on me, squeezing back in all directions. I turned towards the restroom, even though I knew it was too late for it to help me. But it was somewhere. It was something, even if they would all surround me and…who knew what then.
But running, my mind slowed. It went back.
Wait for…wait for…no…wait four. Wait four minutes! It had to be.
I caught the blur of my watch as I swung my arm. 4:07PM.
It felt like the hallway was getting longer and longer. The faster I ran, further it got and the closer I could feel them behind me.
I pressed my legs harder and harder with energy I couldn't even imagine. It felt like I was pressing through the floor. All the color in the hall was fading away. It became like pure haze. The walls were melting all around.
The solid, boxy walls faded away. I could see through them. They looked like the contours of rough, rigid cotton. My feet caught on the melting floor. I couldn't lift them. The door stretched further and further away.
My legs felt hot. They tingled. I pushed them harder and harder. I felt their legs beginning to slip around me on all sides. They were so strong.
But something inside me knew I was stronger.
I tore ahead. I didn't even bother breathing. I ripped my way through their floors. I made it to restroom door. I blasted through it and slammed it shut behind me.
The entire room tipped. The door became the floor. I knew there was nothing but blackness and legs on the other side.
I looked up to the opposite wall. I could see a tiny hole, a very tiny hole. But it was purple.
I knew what my watch read now. The door underneath me shook with a violent tremor and began to cave in on itself. I clutched to the drain hole in the floor. The door side of the wall melted away and a turbulent sea of black legs groaned and slashed at me. I could feel their dreadful eyes locked on me.
As I clung to the drain and tried to uselessly claw the box tile floor for some kind of hold. The melting stretched to the side walls. I could see through them. I saw everything. I saw the whole world in a stunning flash.
It was never-ending webs. It was a cocoon.
Somehow, I put one tensed hand over the other. I grunted with all my strength. I clung to the nothing edge as the blackness closed in around me. I could almost touch the end of the purple cloth with the tips of my nails as I stood on the impossible sliver of the drain. I could almost get. I was almost there!!! I stretched…
And the legs clutched my feet. They tugged on me. They had me…
Then, from under the cloth burst a hand. I grabbed hold with all my might. I slammed the howling legs against the drain and reached up.
But no matter how I reached, they still clung. I couldn't move. I couldn't get any closer. Suddenly, I felt a massive upwelling in my throat. I turned to the endless red and black sea. My mouth stretched open and wave after wave of spiders erupted from my mouth. From nowhere, even more seemed to shed until the sea wavered under them.
When the last fell, I felt as though an immense weight had been lifted. I looked up. I clung to the arm and it pulled me through. I flowed through that tiny opening and all the blackness sealed up behind me.
On the other side, everything was pure, bright, and perfect.
I felt different. I felt like I'd gotten smaller, shorter, and softer all around. But I felt good. I felt so very good.
There was a little flash and I felt more like myself but still very different. My eyes could see only blinding brilliance all around. Everything looked washed out with light. My nose was assaulted by what felt like thousands upon thousands of scents. They all crowded in. I couldn't identify most of them. They felt so much stronger than anything I could remember.
I could smell mint as an overpowering sensation that tickled every inch of my entire body. Then came lavender as an endless field of them. Wave upon wave of vanilla that I could almost imagine on my tongue. Then there were strange and alluring scents that blended with one another in ways that my mind struggled to even imagine. But I embraced them all and felt my eyes flowing with tear after tear.
I felt them rippling down my cheeks like torrential rivers cascading over me. I could feel each inch of my face in their flow like a flooded plain. I gasped as the sensations of my entire skin rippling back at me like the tears had awakened every my body to the presence of the air. And that air. I felt like I hadn't truly breathed till then. I could feel the air rushing deep inside me.
It sounded inside like the blast of an open cavern flowing and flowing and flowing. The air reached deep down into my lungs, into parts I couldn't even imagine I had.
My sight was still overexposed. But I was beginning to detect the barest outlines. I could make out a female curve lightly tracing around the all-pervasive glow of the room. The female form crouched and wrapped me in something immense and warm. Immediately, leaned towards her and wrapped my arms all around her. I pulled her close and hugged with all I could. I gave her a kiss on the cheek. I didn't want to let her go for anything.
I felt warm. I felt a blush as I sensed the soft curve of her body close to me. I felt the tickle of her soft scent flutter into my nose. I felt the ground underneath with the small rises and falls of natural earth. I felt everything and felt utterly immersed and cradled by it all.
And I felt, for the first time I could ever remember in my life, truly alive.
Slowly, the cacophony of sensory information quieted into ways that made more sense. Softly, Ananya spoke, "I told you I could free you." Her words thundered through my head but I could make them out. She explained, "You'll be disoriented for a few minutes. Come over here and you can rest on the couch."
Ananya had to guide me. The couch felt so bright that I needed to keep my eyes narrowed when I looked at it. I still clung tightly to Ananya. She eased me onto the couch and I gave little shudder all through my body when I touched down. She laid the warm thing across me and urged, "Rest."
But I didn't want to. I couldn't. I couldn't take the chance that this was all a dream as I sat at my desk. I just couldn't…
But, I leaned back and looked up at the violet-tinted blur of the ceiling. The bright warmth of it felt so soothing that I couldn't help but relax my whole body on that couch. Everything felt so good that I didn't want to miss the single moment. But I let my eyes close and I let the flowing wind through my cavern slow.
And all was quiet.
When I woke, I felt a moment of unfamiliarity. Everything was clear around me. I sat up. I felt really good. I glanced around. Everywhere I looked there was something new, even compared to my short time in Ananya's tent.
I turned and set my feet on the floor, which felt soft like moss but warm. I looked down. What I first thought for bare ground felt more like a clumps of moss that seemed less like grass and more like a soft spread. It covered the entire floor of the tent area. I couldn't remember what the floor of Ananya's tent felt like that last time.
I did know that walls were even more covered with objects. They all glimmered and shimmered and flowed like frozen air of every color meeting and joining. I noticed one of the objects glinted like a blade and came to a point. It looked very traditional. The rest washed past my eyes with quiet amazement.
There were more tables than I remembered. Some had rounded bowls. Others had soft bindings of wood that followed into human shapes.
I stood from the couch to get a better view of the room and the blanket slid from my body.
I was naked. I looked very different. I reached down to pick up the blanket and heard Ananya's voice say, "Would you like to see yourself?"
She stood in the threshold of a small opening in the tent along the same wall closest to me. Her eyes looked away a little when I looked at her but she smiled and said, "If you feel up to it…"
I took a step away from the couch and tried to wrap the blanket around my body. I nodded and took a careful couple of steps. I staggered but made my way over to her.
She also noted, "We better get you some clothes."
Ananya was dressed in a flowing red top and skirt with swirling, golden lines all along the folded lines of the garment. She looked incredible.
Beyond the threshold, there was another tent. It was far larger than the previous. It was dressed like a bedroom with ornate dressers and an ivory tub set on bird feet. Ananya led me to the mirror towards the middle.
My visage in the mirror was not the one I'd seen in the morning. I looked like a young boy. My hair was dense and black like slick oil. My skin was soft and smooth all over. I couldn't feel any hair anywhere. The rounding of my middle had gone flat and trim. My glasses were gone but I could see even better without them.
I was so slender and slight. My hands were small but manly and my groin tingled with decades-old feelings rapidly awakening. I was still a little taller than Ananya.
She reached over and I blushed. She gently touched the top of my head and said "Your hair may be too conspicuous. I'll see what I can do."
I felt a light shiver as she touched my head and a throbbing pang when she took her hand away. I asked her, listening to the youthfulness in my voice, "What do you mean 'conspicuous'?"
She took a breath and opened one of the dressers. It was filled with all manner of clothes in what seemed like every color. "You should get dressed. I'll explain as much as I can."
With each garment she passed to me, she spoke a little. I listened.
First, something like underwear. It felt surprisingly soft though.
"What you saw as me before was just a…projection. That would be the best way to think about it. No other ways in besides that."
I tugged up the garment and instantly felt better to be wearing something.
Next, reddish pants that fanned out around the legs and clenched a little in the buttoned waist. They fit well.
"I didn't expect you to find a way through…yesterday. I just meant to disturb the illusion a little. When you responded better than I anticipated, I had to move things up."
Then, a flowing tunic with long sleeves. It matched the pants.
"That's the first time I've gotten…anyone out of a place like that. I was terrified they would discover my intrusions."
I asked, as she turned back for the next item, "A place like what?"
She moved slower but she slipped a pair of sandals off a hook and passed them over. "A place you're better off forgetting. A place made only for captivity and the very worst of fates…"
For the first time in this new place, I felt a rush of fear ripple up from my belly.
I had to ask, "Were they trying to kill me?"
She looked me in the eye. "Kill you? No. They wouldn't kill you. But they can break anyone to the point that it no longer matters whether they were ever alive."
That earned another, stronger ripple of fear. I still had so many questions but Ananya urged me to dress and said, "They know you've escaped and I know they are hunting everywhere with ravenous abandon to find you."
I held back the ripple this time, slipped on the tunic, and asked her, "Why me? Why was I even their prisoner in the first place? And for how long?"
She reached into the depths of the dresser and said, "I'm taking you to a man who can answer those questions better than I."
I stepped into the sandals. She opened a little vial and spread a solution in her palm. It seemed to ripple across the texture of her hand like a living organism. It somehow felt familiar-looking. Before I could ask her what it was, she touched her fingers to my head and said, "Red."
Instantly, out of the edges of my eye, I could see bright red hairs shimmering. A look in the mirror confirmed that my hair was as brilliantly red as Ananya's.
She stepped back and looked at me. She shrugged a little and said, "Till then, you're just going to have to trust me. There are answers to all your questions. Even the ones you don't know to ask."
I looked back at her. I could see her eyes tremble a little as she looked at me. I could sense tension and fear. A part of me said to believe and follow her. And the other parts were strangely quiet.
Ever since I'd spewed spiders and gone through the hole in the world, the side that doubted had been hushed. There was fear and concern but it didn't stand like a wall I needed to attack. I was different. I was changed.
It didn't take more than a moment for me to nod my head and say, "Okay. Let's go."
And as soon as I'd said it, she was led the way out of the room and I followed. She moved aside a chest of drawers on the other side of the tent, revealing another passageway.
That led to a tent lined with books on all sides. Books even clung to the walls of the tent and nowhere did the material sag or even show signs of weight. While the material looked the same as cloth, I suspected there was something more to it than that.
The path Ananya took me through became more of a maze after the seventh passageway. I couldn't even imagine a complex of tents approaching this size.
Then, she led me through the longest tunnel yet. Despite the narrowness of the opening, it shimmered with lavender light on all sides. Then, it grew wider and wider. I spread out and rose straight into the air. There were no cords or supports in all the world I could imagine holding something that high.
The purple shifted to deep blue past a point and spread out like an endless hemisphere. In the velvety-blue stretches of the tent there hung a cratered, ivory moon. It was full and it was larger than any moon I'd ever seen in my life. I felt I could just reach up and touch it.
Surrounding it were countless stars tingling like grains of silvery dust spread everywhere. Despite the fact I was looking at the impossibly-high ceiling of a massive, blue tent, it all felt right and natural.
When I was able to take my eyes from that vista, I looked across the hemisphere to the flat expanse of the same, mossy green that filled the floor of Ananya's tent. Only here it rose into strange, massive bushes and forests without bark. It all looked like the softest, most-complex hedge sculptures I'd ever seen. An immense river flowed a little ahead with long, silver footpaths cutting across it at several points.
Beyond the intricate greenery was something even grander. Out there, from the little rise where we stood, I could see a joined expanse of tents, flowing, circling, and towering in all directions. Some were the color of the tent on Carnival Crunchies with bands of red and white. Others were crazier combinations, all washing over one another.
It went on and on as far as I could see, till all I could see was a colorful blur.
Ananya took a step in front of me, raised her arm high, and fanned out her hand. Her gesture had a bit of theatricality but I felt the twinkle I saw in her eyes was completely genuine.
She said, "Welcome to the Carnival."
Paranosis
Chapter 2 – Welcome to the Carnival
Welcome to the Carnival!
That's what I wished the back of my cereal box said. I remembered one time I had Carnival Crunchies cereal as a kid because I was able to sneak it by the Major. There were many strange, wonderful, and glorious flavors. There was so much sugar. But, as always, he found it and tossed it. It was just empty calories, he said. It was a bad influence to eat something like that, he said. And that was it. Just the one taste and it was gone from my life forever. No matter how hard I looked, I could never find Carnival Crunchies again.
I plopped the box on the kitchen table and stretched my stiff neck. After a perfunctory shower and other necessary hygiene, a quick look around revealed it was the subsequent day.
I didn't remember what really happened after I left Ananya's tent. I did know from a call by the office that I still had my job. Oh job joy…
I had no idea what really happened in my afternoon, how I got home, or how I got to bed. I considered reading up on stress-induced amnesia again. I'd had some incidents of it when I was a kid.
But I didn't feel stressed. I didn't feel out of it or out of my mind. Despite how it ended, what I'd seen was the most amazing thing I'd witnessed in my life and I was eager to see more of it. Still, I looked over at the bottle of lens cleaner and headache medication on the drain board with a sigh.
I pulled up the usual chair and poured the contents of the box of Oat Bran Dietary Fiber Nutrition Flakes into the square, glass bowl, my last since I still needed to do the dishes. I poured the milk. The flakes all sunk into the milk, leaving a blank, white expanse. I thought about the dream/vision/whatever-it-was.
Many of the details remained but I felt like I couldn't be sure of others. I wasn't certain of what I'd said to Millie and the boss. I wasn't even certain of what Ananya was wearing. I felt I knew it and I could name all the details but there was a pestering, persistent uncertainty that made me doubt what I remembered.
Dredging lumps of the flakes from the milk, I ate. I felt tired. And it wasn't a kind of tired that sleep or refreshment could appease. The only reason I had to face this new day was the possibility of seeing Ananya again and something strange happening.
Suddenly, the phone rang.
I turned but didn't leap up to grab it. There was one day I'd had so many useless phone calls right when I wanted to take a nap that I felt like leaving the phone off the hook permanently.
But, despite that memory, I rose and took a chance. I lifted the receiver and said, "Hello."
A voice immediately answered back, "Don't have long. Remember what time the cell phone showed you?"
The voice was strangely-blurred, like something from a movie.
I asked, "Who is this?"
"Others saw you as they would me."
Ananya. It had to be.
I tensed up and almost smiled.
The time was 4:04PM. "Yes, I remember the time."
"You'll have to use the restroom then."
Then, all I heard was the drone of the dial tone on the line.
I felt a giddy rush all through my body. I knew it wasn't just a dream. I knew it was real. It knew there were strange things going on and they were going to happen to me.
I felt like a kid called by Santa Claus. I could barely bother to swallow the rest of my breakfast. My mind raced. For every ecstatic wondering there was one to drag me down a little. At this point, I scarcely cared if it was all one big hallucination because it was an exciting one.
I just wished I'd had more fun in that strange, blank world. It would have been interesting to see the skyscrapers all messed up. Maybe I could've run into a mysterious old hobo hiding out in the electronics store. He'd tell me strange stories about where he came from and his family and his history. He'd have royal family memories from another world. The lost heir of a kingdom. A prince many years on and past.
Then would come the spiders. They'd toy with us. We'd see them in shadows when we were apart. There'd be some adventure-like comedy where I'd find something silly instead of something scary. But still, the sweat would be beading off my brow. I'd be shivering and the tension would be turned all the way up.
A long chase scene would follow as I tried to evade them. I'd use distractions. I'd worry about my new friend. I'd lure the spiders away and use my resolve to get away from them. They'd still eventually get me but it'd be terrifying and nail-biting and incredible when they close in at last and I'd see that the hobo I befriended turn into one of them.
It would be the perfect, classic build. I'd seen it before.
But it didn't happen that way. There was no long thrill. I just wandered aimlessly. I got found. I staggered a bit. Then they got me. Over so quickly. I wanted another chance at it despite all the things in me that were yelling I was out of my mind.
Eventually, I finished the pasty mess at the corner of the bowl. I hummed some melody which had no name I could remember. I finished dressing with twenty minutes to spare. I didn't want to get there early. I didn't want to be at work one moment more than I had to. I wanted magical Ananya to send me off on another adventure. I would do it right this time and I'd make a real adventure out of it.
I looked down at my watch and translated the time between then and 4:04PM into minutes and mentally ticked them off one by one. They were far too many.
What I could sense of my mental protestations said this was just a game. It tried to work in how Millie was in all this…that the time on the phone was just a setup. The thought spiraled out bigger and bigger until it wondered if everything and everyone I knew or ever remembered was just a conspiracy against me.
I shook my head to clear the thought and remembered about the pills I needed to take in the morning. I went to the bathroom and took the pill box out of its slot. Everything was right there where I needed it. I just need to fill a cup of water and swallow.
I looked at an empty cup and I looked at the full pill box. I honestly couldn't remember what most of them did anymore. On top of the set sat a squarish, red-and-blue pill. I shook my head and chucked it into the trash can by the toilet. Then I grabbed the rest of the pills and chucked them in there too.
Despite the resolve and satisfaction, my mind was still picturing calming putting everything back and going on about the routine. I had to clench and release my hand a few times before I could turn away from the trash can and take one step after another away from the bathroom.
The rush stayed with me as I picked out my tie for the day. While looking through the normal, dull-colored ones, I notice that towards the back there was one with vibrant, swirling patterns. It looked hypnotic to stare at. It reminded me of the strange object I'd fixated on in Ananya's tent.
Despite the fact the office didn't have a casual day, I slipped the tie on with my regular suit. The part of me that was still quivering and shaking me for tossing the pills away made me hide the tie as best I could by fully buttoning up the blazer.
As I looked in the mirror, I had the hope and fear that this would be another fun day.
It didn't start off so well as I left the house. I felt my keys tumble through a hole in my pants. It was so imbalanced to have both keys and wallet in the same pocket. I soon discovered a persistent hole on the toe of my socks. No matter how I walked, it would rub roughly against the nail. It felt thoroughly uncomfortable and how matter how I shifted my toes or rearranged the sock, it kept catching with the threads sticking or grabbing parts of the nail.
I considered heading back inside for a different pair but it wasn't a huge issue. And besides, as I stood there, I could already hear the regular bus to work coming around the corner. It was usually twenty minutes later. I shrugged it off and stepped inside.
This one was almost all full-up. I only found one place to sit near the back with a black-haired guy with a net-like shirt top, a tarantula face tattoo, and headphones with screaming music. He just stared ahead after I paid my token and slid in the narrow space beside him.
The lyrics of his music, as filtered through the headphones he wore, sounded fast and heavy. I couldn't make out any of the words but I found the gloom of them strangely comforting. Naturally, he soon switched it to something else.
After shifting around in the seat a little, I soon realized that there was a rough-cut hole in the upholstery. No matter how I moved, I could still feel it. It'd probably been cut by someone on a late night ride as amusement. The strands around the opening felt sticky and they caught against the sides of my pants. It almost felt like there was gum on it too. Shifting eventually brought the threads in my socks to jam under the nail of my big toe.
Feeling thoroughly unpleasant, I drooped in my seat and just waited for the bus ride to be over.
Because I was just waiting to see sign of the business park, I didn't pay much attention to the route the bus was taking. Mentally, the time I expected grew longer and longer till I took a good look out the window and realized I was on the wrong side of town.
With a sigh, I shook my head and recalled that there were alternate bus routes on particular days….and I should've waited the correct twenty minutes to catch the right bus.
I'd have to get off at the nearest stop and try to find a route schedule to get back on the right bus or at least one which would take me within walking distance of the business park.
It was not even 8AM and I was already beginning to feel like it would be a rough day. The prospect of something…anything…more from Ananya kept the feelings to mere irritants. A blast of fuzzy, less enjoyable music from the man next to me didn't help.
Nor did finding out this bus line made far less stops than my usual one. And the first drop was in a dense industrial area with straight, black pipes blasting dark smoke in all directions. The driver was non-responsive to my questions and the alternate routes weren't posted anywhere.
That conspiracy thought rose up again in mind but I also got the mental reminder that I threw away my medication. The straightening lines of my wristwatch told me I would certainly be late. With no cell phone to call the office and knowing this area had absolutely no pay phones anymore, I sat there and wondered what I would do.
I felt near the point of revelation. Or madness. Or both. I could visualize myself stepping from the bus and tracking down Ananya myself. Screw this hopeless job and terrible day. It'd just run away. I'd run and run and nothing real or imagined would ever catch me.
Then, the bus screeched beside a multi-sided bus stop. On the other side of the bench, I saw my usual bus stopped. I gave it a long look before I willed my body to leave this bus and enter that one. The driver didn't even ask for a token. I just sat and watched as the routine clicked back into place.
It didn't take long to get the business park. I wouldn't be late at all. Just another normal day.
I plodded wearily through the crosswalk. As soon as I opened the door to the office, I was assaulted with new work that grew more and more with every breath. The boss set his eyes on me and said, "You had a light afternoon yesterday. Consider it your last for a while. We're going to be swamped the rest of this week. As well, both office restrooms are being fixed and remodeled so you're gonna need to use the public one next door."
I glanced at the "out of order" signs on the restroom in the back and to the side. I felt a strange shiver go through me and wondered if Ananya meant I'd have to use the restroom here or any one of them. The public restroom didn't lock like the office ones did and most of the stalls didn't even shut anymore.
I didn't remember anything about this 'light' afternoon but I gave the boss a quiet nod. A pile of papers was waiting for me on my desk after I signed in. I thumbed through them. I could tell this would be enough for three days.
I rested my hand on the top paper and set my mind for work. I leaned back and felt something strange when I tried to pull my hand away from the paper. It lingered, like it was sticky on top. I yanked my hand from the paper and it came away easily.
For an instant though, I could swear I saw something white and hazy cling to my fingertips. With a blink, it was gone. The surface of the paper and the area around my desk were perfectly clean and free of anything strange. The material reminded me of white cotton candy. It also looked like a lot like spider web.
Some part of my mind yelled at me again for skipping my medication. I pushed it aside and reached over for my cup. I walked over to the boxy, black water cooler and filled my cup. I took a long sip and nearly coughed it out.
It felt like I was swallowing solid dust with tangles of string tensing on my throat. Despite a couple coughs, my throat still felt bothered. I eyed the water carefully before filling the cup again. I watched it. I put my finger in. To all appearances, it was just normal water.
Still feeling the tickle in my throat, I cautiously took a drink. As it started going down, there was nothing wrong with the water. Then, it felt like it was moving. It felt like the water had thousands of legs.
I spat it out again. There was nothing on the floor by a small, wet stain. I coughed and glanced down. I saw something small, black, and scurrying on my lip. I slapped my face but it rushed inside my nose.
Shook my head and snorted over and over. I tried to clear my throat but the feeling of it was gone. I panted and looked up. One of the managers looked at me with a wide frown.
I coughed into my hand and walked back to my desk.
Work was slow. The strangeness faded. I didn't detect any sensations out of the ordinary. A part of my mind told me that what a good thing. I shook my head and blew my nose.
My work only had enthusiasm when I knew the boss or one of the managers were nearby. The chair felt even worse than usual. It kept my back in the "ergonomic/straight" alignment that a meeting once said was the best for effective workers.
Eventually, I just slumped on the desk when I could manage it. I always heard someone rustling nearby, so I'd straighten up. The desk always wobbled when I laid on its rectangular surface.
The same part of me, a little louder, told me that I should just forget about Ananya and all this. It was nonsense. It was either she was trying to rip me off or play a game with me. Either way, it said, I would end up worse off. I gave serious thought to that. I could see myself setting the pills back on my bathroom counter and never even thinking of Ananya again.
Immediately, my cough began to clean. I felt a little better. My energy returned as well. For a time, I actually did put Ananya out of mind and I focused instead on the names flowing. The hours were flying by. I felt a bit of an urge to get up for lunch but the traveling meal vendor came around with his food box.
Despite the fact I wanted to take a walk, I stayed where I was. Despite the fact I wanted to get out and see if I could track down Ananya, I just sat there and bought the baloney sandwich. I ate with bites that barely opened my mouth. There was no flavor to any of it.
When I was done, I worked more. The boss came by. He leaned on the partition as I worked. He cleared his throat with a rough, horrible sound and said, "Curtis. One of the interns had to leave early due to a cold. We're gonna need to step up so we can make up for this loss."
I expectantly held my hand out for the gift of new paperwork which was sure to come. I set it to the side and kept working. The motions became so automatic that I felt like I was made for the sole purpose of doing this thing.
I entered the information over and over. The data came in and I entered it. Addresses came with all their numbers strings. The endless loop of social security information. More and more information. More and more names. Name after name after name.
Leo Stiner. Calvin Kalinowski. Jeannie Loughran. Marcus Spates. Alisha Hinkley.
Tabitha Arrelloth. Isananya Dontgiveupcurtis. Marissa Kwon…
Something triggered my mind out of the loop. I looked back a line and the words spelled out a clear message to me…
This is Ananya. Don't give up, Curtis.
I couldn't even begin to imagine how that could get into an office document. I checked my watch. It was after 3:30. So much time had unknowingly passed around me.
I looked down at the paper again. The name before Kwon was Jim Knotts. I looked at the screen. I had entered Jim Knotts into the data table too.
But I knew what I saw.
I looked around the area. There was no one else nearby. Trading softly over the rough, dark carpet, I made my way to the front of the office. Millie and Andrea were up in the receptionist area. They sat together close.
I glanced around carefully and blinked. When I turned back to look at Millie and Andrea, their heads were strange and black. Their eyes gave a dull, red glow. Then, they seemed to kiss.
After I blinked again, they appeared as before, two girls sitting close together. Millie picked up the phone and Andrea dealt out cards on the table.
The phantom of what I'd seen stayed with me as I made my way around the reception area. Millie met my eyes and I swore, for moment, her eyes had a reddish tint to them. She leaned forward, phone still in her hands, and asked, harsher than I expected, "Where are you going?"
Despite the fact Millie didn't weigh more than one-hundred-ten pounds, I felt deeply intimidated by her tone and stare. I tried to keep all my fear inside. I told her simply and truthfully, "Just headed to the bathroom…only one nearby. Boss said ours are out of order."
Millie lifted her head back a little and set her hands down on the desk. She said nothing for several seconds. I could imagine her head splitting open into fearsome blackness. But she just sat there and said, "Okay."
I allowed myself to breathe and walked out.
The day was late and long outside. The sun was hidden, as always, this time by a cluster of box buildings near the western mountains. I turned from the dull colors of the afternoon and walked next door. Their offices were more devoted to civic affairs but I never saw them open and I never saw anyone in the building.
I looked everywhere and checked my watch. 3:40 PM. Still twenty-four minutes. I noted in my head that someone could be stuck on a toilet for twenty minutes.
I felt a bit intimidated when I walked in the restroom. Not only was someone else urinating but I could see square shapes everywhere. Rectangular waste basket, counter, mirrors, stalls, and those tiles. There were tiles on every inch of the room. Square, flawless tiles everywhere. They flowed on the floor underneath me, around the walls, even melding into the dark ceiling with low, dim fluorescent lighting. The man at the urinal flushed and moved over to wash his hands.
I slowly moved around him. As soon as he left, another man walked in and stood before the same urinal. After him, there came another and another. Each man stood before the same urinal. They didn't even seem to notice me. Each man was a little different but they each did the same thing.
I almost felt like laughing. Instead, I trembled with so many curling, lashing emotions and splashed myself with the water from the sink. After a moment, I really did use the restroom while still in an endless loop of urinal visitors.
Despite it only being 3:50PM, I went ahead and looked around for something conspicuous. There was nothing. Just endless tiles flawlessly set to reflect each other. They were boxes in and on boxes stretching forever.
A part of me swelled. It said that this was all lunacy from the start. It said that it was all because of missing my medication. It said I was an old fool who knew nothing and could do nothing and I was and would always be on a hopeless path of utter nothingness.
I looked to the mirror over the sinks. My hair in the mirror looked closer than ever to white. I looked old. I felt older.
Slowly, I walked back to the office with my feet dragging behind me. In each sigh though, there was a quiet sound. It built with each step. It was a reminder in my head from the words I'd thought I'd seen.
This is Ananya. Don't give up, Curtis.
I could hear it as though it'd been said by someone as small as an ant. And it repeated with each breath. I could really hear it.
But I didn't like it at first because I really wanted to give up. I just wanted to give up and just let it all go. What right did it have to tell me not to give up if I wanted to?
I wobbled though and the words kept pestering me. And then, I heard something even fainter than the little words. It sounded strange. Wayfare?
I couldn't understand it. I tried to listen more but I soon got a blinding headache all through my head. I used to get them when I would seriously think about taking a vacation. It was so strong, so horrible, that it destroyed any focus I could give the words in my head.
It kept going and going. I felt on the verge of just letting the idea go. Just forget all about it. Something urged me on in that direction like it was nudging me towards a sheer cliff. I could feel it. I knew it was there and couldn't care.
Then, the words burst forth clear as any voice I'd ever heard.
WAIT FOR…
The headache screamed right behind it but I pressed both my fists up to my head and, inside my head, screamed right back at it. Something snapped. I could imagine myself squeezing it like I imagined squeezing those people on the list. I clenched my fists and squeezed it over and over.
Then, suddenly, the headache vanished. My head was perfectly clear. I leaned back and a tingling, rippling ease like a menthol salve flowed all over my skin. Little tingles bit at the edges but I felt right.
But I looked down at the watch on my wrist. It was 4:05PM. It was past the time. I was too late.
That didn't crush my mood though. Despite the climbing tingles, I set my mind. I was going to find a way. I was going to make it.
I pressed my feet forward. I stepped through the doors. Andrea and Millie both looked at me. They stared with their eyes right on my face. The boss stormed over, his square, dark teeth showing as he screamed, "Who the hell takes half an hour to piss? The work has been going on while you've been screwing around."
I took a deep breath. I pressed down the tingles and told him, "Fuck the work…"
His eyes nearly burst from their sockets. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"
Without thinking, I reached over and seized him by the collar. Everything inside me tensed up. I lifted him up like a feather and screamed as I tossed him. "…And FUCK YOU!"
Inhuman screams belched out of him as he hurtled through all the partitions, crashed through the wall, and vanished like confetti.
If I hadn't so utterly terrified in that moment, I would've laughed like I was watching a cartoon. Everyone in the entire room stood up and I knew they were all staring, without blinking, right at me.
I turned and ran.
I feel a thousand horrors bearing down on me, squeezing back in all directions. I turned towards the restroom, even though I knew it was too late for it to help me. But it was somewhere. It was something, even if they would all surround me and…who knew what then.
But running, my mind slowed. It went back.
Wait for…wait for…no…wait four. Wait four minutes! It had to be.
I caught the blur of my watch as I swung my arm. 4:07PM.
It felt like the hallway was getting longer and longer. The faster I ran, further it got and the closer I could feel them behind me.
I pressed my legs harder and harder with energy I couldn't even imagine. It felt like I was pressing through the floor. All the color in the hall was fading away. It became like pure haze. The walls were melting all around.
The solid, boxy walls faded away. I could see through them. They looked like the contours of rough, rigid cotton. My feet caught on the melting floor. I couldn't lift them. The door stretched further and further away.
My legs felt hot. They tingled. I pushed them harder and harder. I felt their legs beginning to slip around me on all sides. They were so strong.
But something inside me knew I was stronger.
I tore ahead. I didn't even bother breathing. I ripped my way through their floors. I made it to restroom door. I blasted through it and slammed it shut behind me.
The entire room tipped. The door became the floor. I knew there was nothing but blackness and legs on the other side.
I looked up to the opposite wall. I could see a tiny hole, a very tiny hole. But it was purple.
I knew what my watch read now. The door underneath me shook with a violent tremor and began to cave in on itself. I clutched to the drain hole in the floor. The door side of the wall melted away and a turbulent sea of black legs groaned and slashed at me. I could feel their dreadful eyes locked on me.
As I clung to the drain and tried to uselessly claw the box tile floor for some kind of hold. The melting stretched to the side walls. I could see through them. I saw everything. I saw the whole world in a stunning flash.
It was never-ending webs. It was a cocoon.
Somehow, I put one tensed hand over the other. I grunted with all my strength. I clung to the nothing edge as the blackness closed in around me. I could almost touch the end of the purple cloth with the tips of my nails as I stood on the impossible sliver of the drain. I could almost get. I was almost there!!! I stretched…
And the legs clutched my feet. They tugged on me. They had me…
Then, from under the cloth burst a hand. I grabbed hold with all my might. I slammed the howling legs against the drain and reached up.
But no matter how I reached, they still clung. I couldn't move. I couldn't get any closer. Suddenly, I felt a massive upwelling in my throat. I turned to the endless red and black sea. My mouth stretched open and wave after wave of spiders erupted from my mouth. From nowhere, even more seemed to shed until the sea wavered under them.
When the last fell, I felt as though an immense weight had been lifted. I looked up. I clung to the arm and it pulled me through. I flowed through that tiny opening and all the blackness sealed up behind me.
On the other side, everything was pure, bright, and perfect.
I felt different. I felt like I'd gotten smaller, shorter, and softer all around. But I felt good. I felt so very good.
There was a little flash and I felt more like myself but still very different. My eyes could see only blinding brilliance all around. Everything looked washed out with light. My nose was assaulted by what felt like thousands upon thousands of scents. They all crowded in. I couldn't identify most of them. They felt so much stronger than anything I could remember.
I could smell mint as an overpowering sensation that tickled every inch of my entire body. Then came lavender as an endless field of them. Wave upon wave of vanilla that I could almost imagine on my tongue. Then there were strange and alluring scents that blended with one another in ways that my mind struggled to even imagine. But I embraced them all and felt my eyes flowing with tear after tear.
I felt them rippling down my cheeks like torrential rivers cascading over me. I could feel each inch of my face in their flow like a flooded plain. I gasped as the sensations of my entire skin rippling back at me like the tears had awakened every my body to the presence of the air. And that air. I felt like I hadn't truly breathed till then. I could feel the air rushing deep inside me.
It sounded inside like the blast of an open cavern flowing and flowing and flowing. The air reached deep down into my lungs, into parts I couldn't even imagine I had.
My sight was still overexposed. But I was beginning to detect the barest outlines. I could make out a female curve lightly tracing around the all-pervasive glow of the room. The female form crouched and wrapped me in something immense and warm. Immediately, leaned towards her and wrapped my arms all around her. I pulled her close and hugged with all I could. I gave her a kiss on the cheek. I didn't want to let her go for anything.
I felt warm. I felt a blush as I sensed the soft curve of her body close to me. I felt the tickle of her soft scent flutter into my nose. I felt the ground underneath with the small rises and falls of natural earth. I felt everything and felt utterly immersed and cradled by it all.
And I felt, for the first time I could ever remember in my life, truly alive.
Slowly, the cacophony of sensory information quieted into ways that made more sense. Softly, Ananya spoke, "I told you I could free you." Her words thundered through my head but I could make them out. She explained, "You'll be disoriented for a few minutes. Come over here and you can rest on the couch."
Ananya had to guide me. The couch felt so bright that I needed to keep my eyes narrowed when I looked at it. I still clung tightly to Ananya. She eased me onto the couch and I gave little shudder all through my body when I touched down. She laid the warm thing across me and urged, "Rest."
But I didn't want to. I couldn't. I couldn't take the chance that this was all a dream as I sat at my desk. I just couldn't…
But, I leaned back and looked up at the violet-tinted blur of the ceiling. The bright warmth of it felt so soothing that I couldn't help but relax my whole body on that couch. Everything felt so good that I didn't want to miss the single moment. But I let my eyes close and I let the flowing wind through my cavern slow.
And all was quiet.
When I woke, I felt a moment of unfamiliarity. Everything was clear around me. I sat up. I felt really good. I glanced around. Everywhere I looked there was something new, even compared to my short time in Ananya's tent.
I turned and set my feet on the floor, which felt soft like moss but warm. I looked down. What I first thought for bare ground felt more like a clumps of moss that seemed less like grass and more like a soft spread. It covered the entire floor of the tent area. I couldn't remember what the floor of Ananya's tent felt like that last time.
I did know that walls were even more covered with objects. They all glimmered and shimmered and flowed like frozen air of every color meeting and joining. I noticed one of the objects glinted like a blade and came to a point. It looked very traditional. The rest washed past my eyes with quiet amazement.
There were more tables than I remembered. Some had rounded bowls. Others had soft bindings of wood that followed into human shapes.
I stood from the couch to get a better view of the room and the blanket slid from my body.
I was naked. I looked very different. I reached down to pick up the blanket and heard Ananya's voice say, "Would you like to see yourself?"
She stood in the threshold of a small opening in the tent along the same wall closest to me. Her eyes looked away a little when I looked at her but she smiled and said, "If you feel up to it…"
I took a step away from the couch and tried to wrap the blanket around my body. I nodded and took a careful couple of steps. I staggered but made my way over to her.
She also noted, "We better get you some clothes."
Ananya was dressed in a flowing red top and skirt with swirling, golden lines all along the folded lines of the garment. She looked incredible.
Beyond the threshold, there was another tent. It was far larger than the previous. It was dressed like a bedroom with ornate dressers and an ivory tub set on bird feet. Ananya led me to the mirror towards the middle.
My visage in the mirror was not the one I'd seen in the morning. I looked like a young boy. My hair was dense and black like slick oil. My skin was soft and smooth all over. I couldn't feel any hair anywhere. The rounding of my middle had gone flat and trim. My glasses were gone but I could see even better without them.
I was so slender and slight. My hands were small but manly and my groin tingled with decades-old feelings rapidly awakening. I was still a little taller than Ananya.
She reached over and I blushed. She gently touched the top of my head and said "Your hair may be too conspicuous. I'll see what I can do."
I felt a light shiver as she touched my head and a throbbing pang when she took her hand away. I asked her, listening to the youthfulness in my voice, "What do you mean 'conspicuous'?"
She took a breath and opened one of the dressers. It was filled with all manner of clothes in what seemed like every color. "You should get dressed. I'll explain as much as I can."
With each garment she passed to me, she spoke a little. I listened.
First, something like underwear. It felt surprisingly soft though.
"What you saw as me before was just a…projection. That would be the best way to think about it. No other ways in besides that."
I tugged up the garment and instantly felt better to be wearing something.
Next, reddish pants that fanned out around the legs and clenched a little in the buttoned waist. They fit well.
"I didn't expect you to find a way through…yesterday. I just meant to disturb the illusion a little. When you responded better than I anticipated, I had to move things up."
Then, a flowing tunic with long sleeves. It matched the pants.
"That's the first time I've gotten…anyone out of a place like that. I was terrified they would discover my intrusions."
I asked, as she turned back for the next item, "A place like what?"
She moved slower but she slipped a pair of sandals off a hook and passed them over. "A place you're better off forgetting. A place made only for captivity and the very worst of fates…"
For the first time in this new place, I felt a rush of fear ripple up from my belly.
I had to ask, "Were they trying to kill me?"
She looked me in the eye. "Kill you? No. They wouldn't kill you. But they can break anyone to the point that it no longer matters whether they were ever alive."
That earned another, stronger ripple of fear. I still had so many questions but Ananya urged me to dress and said, "They know you've escaped and I know they are hunting everywhere with ravenous abandon to find you."
I held back the ripple this time, slipped on the tunic, and asked her, "Why me? Why was I even their prisoner in the first place? And for how long?"
She reached into the depths of the dresser and said, "I'm taking you to a man who can answer those questions better than I."
I stepped into the sandals. She opened a little vial and spread a solution in her palm. It seemed to ripple across the texture of her hand like a living organism. It somehow felt familiar-looking. Before I could ask her what it was, she touched her fingers to my head and said, "Red."
Instantly, out of the edges of my eye, I could see bright red hairs shimmering. A look in the mirror confirmed that my hair was as brilliantly red as Ananya's.
She stepped back and looked at me. She shrugged a little and said, "Till then, you're just going to have to trust me. There are answers to all your questions. Even the ones you don't know to ask."
I looked back at her. I could see her eyes tremble a little as she looked at me. I could sense tension and fear. A part of me said to believe and follow her. And the other parts were strangely quiet.
Ever since I'd spewed spiders and gone through the hole in the world, the side that doubted had been hushed. There was fear and concern but it didn't stand like a wall I needed to attack. I was different. I was changed.
It didn't take more than a moment for me to nod my head and say, "Okay. Let's go."
And as soon as I'd said it, she was led the way out of the room and I followed. She moved aside a chest of drawers on the other side of the tent, revealing another passageway.
That led to a tent lined with books on all sides. Books even clung to the walls of the tent and nowhere did the material sag or even show signs of weight. While the material looked the same as cloth, I suspected there was something more to it than that.
The path Ananya took me through became more of a maze after the seventh passageway. I couldn't even imagine a complex of tents approaching this size.
Then, she led me through the longest tunnel yet. Despite the narrowness of the opening, it shimmered with lavender light on all sides. Then, it grew wider and wider. I spread out and rose straight into the air. There were no cords or supports in all the world I could imagine holding something that high.
The purple shifted to deep blue past a point and spread out like an endless hemisphere. In the velvety-blue stretches of the tent there hung a cratered, ivory moon. It was full and it was larger than any moon I'd ever seen in my life. I felt I could just reach up and touch it.
Surrounding it were countless stars tingling like grains of silvery dust spread everywhere. Despite the fact I was looking at the impossibly-high ceiling of a massive, blue tent, it all felt right and natural.
When I was able to take my eyes from that vista, I looked across the hemisphere to the flat expanse of the same, mossy green that filled the floor of Ananya's tent. Only here it rose into strange, massive bushes and forests without bark. It all looked like the softest, most-complex hedge sculptures I'd ever seen. An immense river flowed a little ahead with long, silver footpaths cutting across it at several points.
Beyond the intricate greenery was something even grander. Out there, from the little rise where we stood, I could see a joined expanse of tents, flowing, circling, and towering in all directions. Some were the color of the tent on Carnival Crunchies with bands of red and white. Others were crazier combinations, all washing over one another.
It went on and on as far as I could see, till all I could see was a colorful blur.
Ananya took a step in front of me, raised her arm high, and fanned out her hand. Her gesture had a bit of theatricality but I felt the twinkle I saw in her eyes was completely genuine.
She said, "Welcome to the Carnival."
